Again today is Chand Raat , one month just gone . Ramadan started and finished , my life is same as it was earlier , I failed to complete it’s purpose .
Tomorrow is Eid means the day of happiness , but I think it’s not for me. It’s for true believer who keep fast of whole month and sacrifice their will , their bad habit to become a righteous and I am little far from it. I kept fast but it’s not the only thing which should be done , the purpose is to become a righteous.
Tonight my cousin Trannum sent me message that you forgot us , one month gone and you didn’t meet and even didn’t message but I was thinking if I didn’t went to her home and message her then when she did.If someone really wants to talk you they find a way.
And the truth of this modern world is that no one cares about no one.Our self doesn’t matter for anyone. Today we are here , maybe tomorrow not , but nothing will change , everything will move as same as past .Our existence is confined only with us. Our demise will not change a bit in this world.But people don’t understand it. I didn’t give excuses to my cousin.
Anyways , tomorrow is Eid and I hope that this Eid may bring light in this dark world.
Today was the final match of champions trophy between India and Pakistan. Cricket is just a game but it’s no longer be a game when there is India and Pakistan.
As an Indian , I always supported Indian team because it’s my country and I love it. But I always give respect to not only Pakistani team but all the other teams like South Africa, England, Australia etc.
I still remember my school days where some of my friends used to support Pakistani team during India pak match and I used to argue them , how you can support Pakistan , India is our country and it’s not a religious war so that you are supporting Pakistan , it’s a game.I did not know why they used to support pakistan . Whatever the reason was , I couldn’t change their thinking.
Now I grown up , I saw the change in India , I saw the situation of Muslim community. And I realized many things.
It’s a todays story , when I was going market , there was a TV on road and people was watching match , I stopped there to see the score and that time one of Pakistani batsman just completed century and doing sujud ( a way of thanking Allah ) , That moment everybody started to abuse him , even not only him but all Muslim community.I felt so much anger not only because they was abusing Muslim community but because of their stupidity and act of spreading hates. I know all are not like that but I am seeing number is increasing and politicians are playing good role in this.I heard that India is developing , education ratio is growing and people are being aware of the new world but after seeing all of this , I understood rusticity and vulgarity of some nation never goes.
It was not only the one story , I see discrimination , I see violence , I see double standard and all of this changed my thinking.
I am being honest , now sometime , some part of my heart support pakistan. The truth is I don’t want to support Pakistan but It just happens and why it’s happens , it has not only that reason which I mentioned above but a long.
But if we see everything logically, then supporting other team in a game is not wrong , it’s not a war. I like leonal Messi and I am not only the one there are millions of his fans. So are they rebel of their nation?
But in India , you can support anyone in the world but not Pakistan and if you do then you will call rebel.
I would just say , it’s a game , the one who plays good , win.So we should take it as a game , we should not spread hates , we should respect other teams and if there is darkness somewhere then we should try to bring light instead of being a part of it.
But I know nothings gonna change , people got the mentality even I , and it can’t be changed easily.
Today was the 50th year of six day Arab Israel war.
Arab Israel war, was fought between June 5 and 10, 1967 by Israel and the neighboring states of Egypt ( known at the time united Arab republic) Jordan, and Syria.
Relations between Israel and its neighbours had never fully normalised following the 1948 Arab–Israeli War. And how it could be normal when Foreigner settling a state in your home forcefully and whole world is behaving like dumb even the so called United Nation.
But later on international community considered that the establishment of israeli settlement is illegal under international law.But Israel never accepted this and instead of releasing illegal territories they are still establishing a new illegal colonies and there are no one in the world to stop them.
In 1967 six day war, mysteriously Israel defeated Arab countries. On the first day itself Israel destroyed all of Egyptians air Force with their few losses.
Today was “CHAND RAAT” means Ramadan will start from tomorrow.
Islamic calendar is based on moon , if moon appears on 29th then current month considered of 29 day and new month start from now onwards but if moon doesn’t appear on 29th then it appears on 30th and then next month start.
So today was a 30th day of a month in islamic calendar , so obviously Ramadan will start from tomorrow.
I remember childhood when we used to go on terrace after sun set to see moon and I still remember the happiness of seeing a moon . First day moon just appear for some minutes then disappear. We used to see moon continusly until it disappears.
I went in masjid at 9pm , it was full because the holy month of Islam just started in which door of heavens are opens and the door of hell are closed and shaitan are chained.
Traveeh just started , my elder brother Reyaz was imam there for traveeh , his way of reciting Quran was same as Arabian people , and it was so sweet .I was standing with people in line in position of namaz , the only voice was coming of the Quran , I don’t understand Arabic but still I just love this.
I came home after finishing traveeh , took dinner and slept early because I had to wake up to take sehri( Sehri means , during Ramadan , Muslims take some food before approx 2 hour of sunrise and then they eat after sunset and that’s called iftar). Tomorrow I woke up at 4 took some meal and went for fajr namaz , after long time I was going for fajr namaz , everywhere was silence , wind was flowing slowly.
I was thinking , will I complete the purpose of Ramadan . Because Allah mention in Quran ” O who you believe, fasting has been prescribed for you as it was been prescribed for those before you that you may become righteous.”
It was a last day of college , basically we had to show our project to external examiner. All wore formals as given instructions.
When I entered in our department , I saw everyone was busy in thier work , some students was taking photos , after all it was the last working day , after that we have to come for convocation.
Finally our number called , there was four members in our team , Rahul , Tejas , Pranay and me.Rahul started introduction about project , he was explaining good but I thought it should be more described so when he took break while describing I interrupted and then started , when I stopped she asked some questions to me and my team and my other team members also explained some module of our project but we got a problem, there was some errors in our project and we didn’t find while testing.So when external examiner asked who was I think 40+ woman about the error then we don’t had answer.
Our project guide who guided us during project development and who approved our project one day ago was behaving like it’s all our mistake but it’s his too because he should be careful when he approved our project.
But we can’t do anything , so finally this session got over , I wasn’t happy because of this.
Anyways, after that we enjoyed there , took group selfies and then everyone started to leave.
But something more happened that day , my friend Rahul came who bought a new bike and said I will drop you to your home. I have been living in Mumbai for 5 years on rent and this was the third home we changed and currently living. But I never brought any of my college friends to my home because I was living in a slums area , it doesn’t matter what I had in past and what I have at my village or how I have lived in jaipur.Yeah that too was not luxurious life but 100 time better than this.
I just don’t wanted that anyone knows about me even rahul was my close friend in college but in everyone’s life there is something which they don’t want to share with even close friend.And that’s why I always try not to go to home of my friends.
By the way , he didn’t give me time to think and said let’s go , I couldn’t refuse him , so I just went with him.
As I said earlier my home was not far from college so when we was about to reach, I was thinking should I ask him to come home or what should I do.I was thinking but we just reached and I did not invited him even he came first time.
As I think ,there is boundary in every relation whether parents-childrens , friendships anything and we should always be in that boundary. But even if Rahul knows about me that where I stay it doesn’t bother me but I just didn’t invite him. I don’t know why.
He also didn’t ask anything about that and started bike and left.
I was seeing him going. Then I also started to walk towards my home reached there, removed my shoes, put the bag and lay down.It was a long day today and I was gonna be free.So I was thinking and when I fell in sleep, I even don’t know.I woke up when I heard mom voice to take the dinner.It was being 11pm. I took dinner then went for a walk .
After long time I came on Western Express highway at night. Everything was same there , same lights , same road but maybe speed of vehicle has become faster.I was walking on highway keeping headphone in ear , which music was playing , I did not know , car was passing right from me with more than 100 KM/hr. All vehicles was coming and going , they knew where they are coming from and they knew their destination but what a guy can do who do not understand from where he came and he has no idea about the destination.The guy who thinks life has a great meaning but he don’t understand the meaning of life.
After long time , I was traveling in Mumbai local , luckily my junior college and degree college was near by my home so never needed Mumbai local.. According to railway , approx 4.5 million passengers travel daily in Mumbai local and it is called life line of Mumbai.But I can say it is the worst travel service in entire world. people travel like animals , you don’t need to walk in local when you stepped in or out bcz crowd will throw you in or out.
By the way my friend insisted me to go for roam , I refused as usual but later on I agreed as usual.But now I am angry on me why I agreed because there was so much crowd like the hell , I had laptop inside my bag and we was waiting for train and when train reached , crowd just ran and I just collapsed with rod between the gate of train and my laptop was about to break but somehow I made a way to go inside.Somehow this journey finished , my friends home where we was going sourrounded by mountains and was like lonesomeness , our plan was to go at his home and after little rest we was supposed to go for roam.My friend offered us a great lunch specially chiken biryani was very tasty.
Finally after lunch , around 5 pm we leaved home . That place was really lonesomeness , dangerous yeah but beautiful too.Everywhere was just mountains trees ,deep fossa.If someone fall down from mountain , no one even will know.
I was sitting on a small rock on the top of mountain , the sun was about to set , darkness was growing with time and city was looking beautiful from there .We enjoyed there , took selfies and decided to go back because after sun sets , there would be only darkness , no Street lamp or any kind of light.We came back to my friends home. Again we had a great dinner , after that we went for walk. We came back soon then I started to complete my project on my lapy and my friends was watching IPL match.
Till 1 am , everyone slept but there was no sleep in my eyes , I was also laying down but then I got up quietly opened the door and stepped out , and went near mountains that was not far from there , I just sat there but everywhere was just darkness and moons and stars was trying to bring light. Everything was silent there , I could even hear my heart beat.Darkness , moons light and silence made the environment mysterious.
I was thinking , is this the meaning of my life.If it is then why I am not happy , obviously my life is not purposeful life.Why I am still unaware to the purpose of my life, maybe I know but why I don’t follow.
I was thinking and thinking but at last I stood up , still there was darkness , a daunting environment. I came back , door was still opened as I did.I quitely locked it and went on the bad but sleep wasn’t there in my eyes so I started to write this on my phone notes.After completing it I will try to sleep because I have to go back tomorrow morning in my usual purposeless life.
I was just going through what I studied in past three months.10 minute was left to start the examination and this was the last exam out of four subject and all four was back to back so could not get time for preparation and for this subject my preparation was worst , By the way I am not interested in theories but practicals.Anyways there was a girl sitting right behind me and studying but I observed , whenever I turn back(Because of hot day and exam pressure , I was just walking , studying moving myself here and there) she was looking at me.But later it got cleared , she was actually staring me.But I just went in my classroom because 1 minute was left.I was feeling
bore inside the examination hall because I knew five to six answer in out of fifteen , I wrote it properly and then looking at metro which was coming and going , I was sitting in the classroom which was on 6th floar near window and there was a metro station in front of window.I was relating life with metro , means we are just here and peoples are coming and going and someday some good people comes and modifies us ,Give us good look and many more.I saw in the classroom , mostly was busy in writing , some students was looking here and there.Some had small
papers in thier pocket and they was just doing copy and paste.fortunately I never did this in my whole education life , Its totally wrong for me.But today first time I wrote few words on my palm , I just did it and I am feeling guilty , even that question did not come.That was just few words and even I decided to remove it before entering in classroom but I just forgot.After exam I was standing outside the college with my friends and discussing about exam which usually all students do and I saw that girl is coming who was staring me before exam.She was with her friends and again I observed she is looking at me and smiling too.I told about this to one of my friend who was mature guy.He told me , if you want then go and talk to her ,I said what should I talk and why should I talk , My friend said beacuse she is looking and smiling at you , so go and ask her about exam.During this talk she was smiling me with constant rate , I was little hesitating , I dont know why .Then she started to walk towards metro station with her friends and still she turned and looked at me .My friend said she is looking , so go and at least ask her mobile no.I said , I cant do this.He forcefully brought me at metro where she was going.He gave me his return ticket and said follow her I am coming and went to take ticket for me.I dont wanted to do all of this but
I was just doing , I dont know why and this was the first time when I was doing this kind of thing.When I reached at platform , she was there with her friend.I was thinking what I should I do but my friend just came with a new ticket.He asked what happened , I said nothing .He said , its a last chance for you ,If you will talk to her then something can happen otherwise she is gonna left forever.I said , I dont have any reason to talk to her , if she is looking at me so what , why should I talk.If she wants she will come to me and talk.He said , you have reason if you dont then you dont share this with me I dont know whats that reason.Suddenly train came , they got inside , I was not going but my friend just got me inside even he had to go another side.I was standing in metro and she was right from me and my friend was at left.Train was just moving fast and I was thinking what should I do then my pinched me , I saw him , he whispered in my ears about to talk .I said OK but suddenly station came he had to left this train because his home was opposite of this route , he was just coming for me.So he stepped out and said me loudly talk.
After he leaved , I wrote my number on paper and waiting for right time but I was hesitating.Next station was about to come , and I had to left and I did not know about her stop , so basically I dont had time.Train was being slow , I was just thinking and my heart was beating very fast.
I just put my mobile no with my name in the side pocket of her bag and stepped outside.
I dont wanted to do all of this but it just happened.In our life some stories just happens for maybe some raeson or no reason.I dont know will she see
my number and call me or whats app me.I know this story from metro is even not gonna start , but still I dont know why I am waiting …..this endless wait …, maybe someday I will get a call or message or maybe she will never know that a guy have put his contact number and name in her bag and maybe this endless wait will never end .
Usually I sleep late , I like to do something when everyone just fallen in their sleep.And now days I have many things to do , Like final year college project ,final year board exam etc.So I do stuffs at night.
But rather than study I spend more time in watching videos , and I got addicted to some of hollywood TV series , earlier I never used to watch any kind of hollywood series but I am influenced by my friend rahul who have watched almost all famous hollywood TV series.I have watched only Flash and Walking dead.But Walking Dead TV series changed my thinking.Its amazing TV series Even its not close to real life but still it taught me many things.Rick and their group was facing zombies and bad people , yeah my life is not so tough but still its full of shitty things .
But today I was just waching Pakistani singer Momina Mustehsan’s video continuously.Her smile is very innocent and her voice touches my heart.I don’t know why I was just checking her instagram account , twitter and some of her interviews continuously for 2-3 days. Maybe it’s a temporary addiction but Its not only because of her voice and beauty there was something more which I was seeing in her.In one of her interview she said she was afraid to face people , she is very simple and even don’t know latest fashion.But she showed me a way, she said about her future planning that she want to complete her master and want to work at UN.Something clicked in my mind and I started to think But let it be I will talk about it later because I am feeling sleepy.I don’t want to think much , I just want peace I am falling in sleep.
I got busy in my prelim exam , so couldn’t write.I am in the last year of graduation.My final board exam will start on 26 April 2017 and will complete on 29 March.So I just want to complete it nicely.
But apart from my study , there are something more about which I have concerns , situation are becoming more difficult for some community in India , election just got over in one of the biggest and populous state of India ,UP . Again BJP won. It’s not the problem but they chosen a CM who is one of the most controversial leader , not only in UP but in India.
A normal person can judge him by his speeches , once he likened Bollywood star Sharukh Khan with a terrorist.Once he said about Nobel winner mother Teresa that she was the part of conspiracy to Christianise India.
He is facing criminal charges of attempted murder, defiling a place of worship and inciting riots in Uttar Pradesh(UP), a state where communal tensions run high and religious violence four years ago killed more than 60 people.
I can’t write here every nonsense story of him.But how the ruling party of India can select him as a CM after all of this.
His speeches was always controversial and against Muslim community.once he said we will kill 10 Muslims if they will kill one of us.
I was hoping a good nation even our PM always says ” SABKA SATH SABKA VIKAS ” but their decision was always against this.The world is becoming more dark and I am just an audience .
Maybe someday , I will open my eyes in the morning and will see the nation which I see only in dreams and there will be light , there will be freedom , there will be everything which a happy nation needed
life has to end.
My classmates was going for watching Hollywood movie Logan.Earlier I used to like movies a lot , but with time it’s just gone.Rahul who is one of my good friend and classmate was insisting me to come and he was even paying for me . Initially I wasn’t agree but the way he asked , I can’t refused.
We all was thirteen people , theater was in one of the biggest mall in India phonex market city , we took ticket which costs just 90 rupees.
We reached here 30 min earlier , so everyone was talking about movies , I was sitting and thinking about last day , I gone through.
Anyway It was a best movie of all X-Men series , but maybe its the last movie of this series because Logan just died at the end of movie. I am praising this movie is because I had seen all series of it .
This movie was full of actions , little emotional and comedy scene. We all started to laugh loudly when the funny character of TV series ad had the same name as one of our friend.Everyother just started to look on us .We all suddenly became quiet.
Everyone knows that whatever we watch in the movie is just a imagination but when we watch , we just lose in thinking , we just think to be a superhero who save the people or many more. But the actual world is totally different.
But one thing I knew , whatever we are thinking today , it will be different after some day . I was so sad one day ago and now I am here watching movie with friends. But to get our dreams , we have to be consistent.
By the way, after movie we just took photos , selfies. I was just going with situation , just trying to enjoy some moments with friends. It was a good day , because I laughed after many days , I know its just a temporary happiness.
But everything in this world is temporary.