Unlawful sexual intercourse , Zina

Time is going on , So life too.I never talked about one thing I have gone through even going , I got addicted of something
bad 2-3 years ago.Earlier I thought Its gonna be okay but after three years its just like that.
I am not the true follower of Islam but there is something you have to follow in muslim societies even if you dont want.
Islam prohibits the physical relationship with anyone except wife.Its a big sin , you can make physical relationship
more specifically sex only with wife.Its such a big sin in the view of Islam that If any one who is adult , free and married
get involved in unlawful sexual intercourse ,he/she will punished by stoning but if offender is not married , adult or free
then punishment is little less not death.
In other religion like Hindus ,Christianities , Jews etc. there is no rule but in Indian culture too having a physical relationship was not righteous thing ,but things are changing fast,Indians are influencing by Western culture , the shame had already gone from high societies a long back , but now in middle class too , making physical relationship are not sees as a wrong things , but they can do anything because they don’t have any rule but I do have.
I am a virgin Muslim young man ,Just 20 ,I have feelings , sometime its like I cant stop , I just want to complete my desire but I also don’t
want to break the rule , there is one solution Islam given , its to get married.But now I cant get married ,I dont own
home , no job ,just purposeless life.
In this modern world , its very hard to control your sexual desire , everywhere is adultery , exposuring of a body ,even if you
go out to roam around , you just see nudity.Its like you are hungry and there is food around you but you cant eat that.
People can criticize me because of this thinking but I am just being realistic , Its a fact.
Neither I can make relationship nor I can get married.
So I just involve in something which is also wrong in Islam , its not that big sin like unlawful intercourse but its sin too.But I want to get out of this bad habit , Its been three years , Sometime I left it for a months but because of this Modern nude world I again get involve.
I would try to apply the only solution which Islam given is to get married ,as soon as I settle , I am gonna get married ,but things not looking easy , just have hopes , My exam is on Sunday for some
central government officer , Its tough exam but I am trying.Lets see.


Night walk with friends

I haven’t write about myself for a long time.Actually there is nothing special going on.I am just living a sinful life.
Today my friend Asif called me for a walk at 11pm.We used to go for walk including Ehsan and Faiyaz but now everyone got busy in thier lives , jobs etc.Anyways I went there , as usual Ehsan and Faiyaz was there too.
We was walking and talking , took some soft drinks.Faiyaz was telling his school time story , Asif also shared some of his story , actually I wasn’t with them neither in school nor in college.So I do not know about their schools lives.
I was listening them but my mind was somewhere else , I had something to share with someone but couldn’t get chance.Faiyaz was sharing his stories with expression , moving his hand , his way of explaining something is amazing.Even the topic is not interesting but he makes it. Suddenly Faiyaz phone rang so he received it and became slow then Asif asked about me , I replied causally , but when he asked “anything else ?” Then I started like this “Yeah , I had something to share with I gone through ” but suddenly Faiyaz came back and started from where he left and then my story just gone.
Everyone thinks about themselves , what feelings someone else have , it doesn’t matter.I am not saying it to my friends , they are good guys , even my friend Asif have done favour for me many times when I needed and even if I do some favour for him someday, it wouldn’t be equal what he did for me.
So I was telling about my story which I couldn’t share with my friends , it’s little long , how a girl came and proposed me and disappeared and then came back after two years , how my mom always doubted me for a girl even though I had never been in a relationship.So it’s little long but interesting , but I don’t know why this kind of things happens with me.
Anyways , I am not gonna write my story now , actually I filled a form for some high ranked government officer job which I can’t write here now and exam is in the next week , I am preparing for it , although don’t have resources to study , still no laptop , no money for books and I don’t ask to my parents , just use mobile phones to prepare for exam , chances are little less but still my all hopes are with this exam , if it got cleared , insha’Allah my purposeless life would turn into purposeful.But if I couldn’t make it , it’s gonna be a …..I don’t know.I just want to clear this exam , this is my biggest dream now , I would never forget these days of my life when I struggled for basic things and once asked something to my uncle and he just forgot in his busy schedule but after all of this , still hopes are there . Hazrat Ali once said stars always shine in the darkness.

10nth of Muharram

An important day Yaume Ashura or 10nth Moharram was 4 days ago. Hazrat imam Hussain r.a. gave the sacrifice of his life and their families lives to save the Deen and raised the words of Allah on that day.Yazid who wanted hazrat Hussain to accept him as a caliph but he was not the right person to become a caliph , so Imam Hussain didn’t accept him and because of that many Muslims was against the Yazid , So he forced Imam Hussain who was living in Mecca that time , So some people from kufa where Hazrat Ali(Father of Imam Hussain) used to live during his time of caliphate invited him , they said you come in this city , we all citizen will be with you and we will fight against the Yazid , thousands of people are in your favour and this number is increasing continuosly , You are the right person to become a caliph, you are grandson of Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) and the son of Hazrat Ali.
Huzrat Hussain don’t had greed of becoming a caliph but that time in Arab , no was better than him , no one was the right nominee of caliphate, and he don’t wanted that it goes in wrong hand , So After receiving hundreds of letter from kufa they sent his cousin to kufa to see the situations , when his cousin reached there , all the leader of the city and nearby came and assured him that we are with Imam Hussain and they said when Hazrat Hussain will come here , we will throw the city of governor who is from Yazid and then whatever Hazrat Hussain will do , We will be with him.
So he informed Hazrat Hussain about the situation and said they all are really with you , now you should try to reach here as soon as possible.So when Hazrat Hussain got this message , he decided to go there and started preparing ,When people of Mecca and near by got to know that he is leaving Mecca , so they came and requested him to not go.They really loved Hazrat Hussain , they had doubts on the people of kufa because once they betrayed Hazrat Ali( Father of Hazrat Hussain). But Hazrat Hussain said , I have made the decision , Now I have to go and I am leaving this city soon.And after some days he was leaving that city with his family , People of Mecca was crying , they don’t wanted him to go , they belongs to the family of Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.).But he had to go because deen was being erased , caliphate was in wrong hand.So he leaved Mecca with his family and started a journey which never ended.
But on the other hand , Yazid was not unaware about all the situation , center of caliphate was in Syria that time , so he sent his army to stop Hazrat Hussain , when Hazrat Hussain reached at the Karbala region , Army of Yazid and 4-5 thousands people from kufa who assured to accept Hazrat Hussain as a caliphate met there.
Some people also says there was 10000 soldiers in the army but the other side there was less than 100 including women and children.
When both were in front of each other Hazrat Hussain gave the emotional speech.He said , don’t you know I am the grandson of Prophet Muhammad , I am the son of Hazrat Ali , My mother was the daughter of Prophet Muhammad.Am I not better in all of you , why you want to fight with me , Prophet Muhammad said if anybody see a emperor doing prohibited things of Islam and do against the sunnat of Prophet Muhammad , break the rule of Allah , rule over the people ruthlessly.And after seeing this he don’t oppose that emperor then he will be with him in the hell.
Finally the battle started , there was only 72 men in the side of Hazrat Hussain.They all got shaheed including 6 months child of Hazrat Hussain.
They sacrificed their lives to save the Islam , but what we are doing.Breaking the rule of Allah , we have such a nice religion , but we are following the darkness of western cultures which leading us to disappointment of not only this world but the hereafter.
May Allah give us hidayah and make successor of this world again .

My birthday ( 4th September)

Today is my birthday but in our Muslim society we don’t celebrate it.
It is not a special day for me , and when our lives goes purposeless then we don’t like anything.But yeah , on social media friends sends you wishes.I was getting wishes on social media too like Facebook , what’s app , some of my friend called me too.
Now days some people keep their friends DP on their birthday.But this kind of things doesn’t matter for me.
Khair , Mujhe yakeen nhi ho rha Mai 21 year Ka ho gya , waqt bs guzarte ja rha h , lekin Zindagi me bahut sari bate hmare Dil pe naqsh ho kr reh jati h , choti chtoi bate , Jaise ki mere uncle , he is earning a lot in fashion designing field , So when he was going village for summer vacation , I went to meet him , or Mai unse Bola ki mere laptop me problem ho gyi h , aap usko repair krwa de ya koi laptop Ka arrangement kr de kyunki mujhe interview ki preparation krni h.Unke liye laptop wagairah buy krna normal bat h.Unhone mna to nhi kiya bt bole Mai dekhta Hu..Then he went village or shayad meri bat bhool gye ya pta nhi , that time month of Ramadan was going on so he gave iftar party to all of our villagers then he bought a bike costs 1.5 lac , and did many things but he forgot that his nephew came to him and asked for laptop , SB waqt or paise ki bat Hoti h , Waise hmare family relations achche hi rhe bt I rarely asked anything from him.
Now he came back to Mumbai and I went to meet but I didn’t say anything about laptop and he also.
Ye koi bdi bat nhi thi , or mere uncle ko to isse koi farak b nhi pdta lekin Zindagi ki ye talkh yade hm asani se nhi bhoola pate.
Kya pta kl MERI qismat mujhe bulandiyo pr pahuncha de , or mere liye ye Chand hazar ki cheeze koi waqat na rakhe , lekin chah kr b mere Dil me mere rishtedaro khas kr uncle ke liye wo jgah nhi aa skti Jo aani Chahiye.
waqt ke Sath ye gam b shayad thode kam ho Jayenge .Lekin Qismat me likhi hui museebato ke alawa aksar hmari zindagiyo ke bahut Sare andhere hmare khud ke bnaye hote h , or HM chah kr b in andhero se nhi nikal pate.
Kyunki Hum APNI khwahishat ko poora krne me lg jate h , phir APNI khwahishat ke gulam bn kr Zindagi ke itne azeem maqsad ko zaye kr dete h.

Mumbai flood 29 Aug 2017

Today , I am gonna write in Hindi/Urdu.My English is very weak and when it’s about to express feeling then I am worst in it.
Its been raining for two days and still raining.Its normal in Mumbai.But who knew it would be a second big day after 26 July 2005.
I was sitting at my friend shop because after quitting my job , I had nothing to do. It was raining continuosly , Or Pani dheere dheere uski shop me aane lga , usne zaruri Saman ko upar rakhna start kiya. Mai Bola mujhe ghr ja kr dekhna Chahiye ki wha SB theek to h , or jb Mai ghr aane lga to raste me meri kamar tk Pani aagya tha .Raste me hi mere uncle Ka office b tha or usi se sata unka karkhana , jb Mai wha gya to Dekha ki poore office or karkhane me Pani Bhar Chuka h or sari machine adhi doob chuki h.Wo Sb important Saman ko upar Rakh rhe the , Mai b unki help krne lga.Uske bad Mai jldi jldi ghr pahuncha to Dekha ghr me 2 feet Pani aa Chuka h lekin mere dad or bhaiyo ne SB zaruri sapan second floor pe Rakh Diya tha.Mere neighbors ke ghr me b same situation thi.Mai thodi Der ghr me rha phir bahar Nikal gya or seedha meri aunty ke ghr gya Jo wha se nazdeek hi tha , she has two daughters , Elder one has done MBA and the second one is engineer and both are doing job about 100 km far.Or jb zyada barish Hoti to train bnd ho jati h jisse aane Jane ke raste bnd ho jate h , or road se AANA b bahut dushwar hota h , jb Mai unke ghr gya to mere uncle aunty dono bahut tension me the , ek to Woh ldkiya thee or itni door , or unke zehan me 2005 Mumbai flood ki yade tazah ho gyi , jb meri bdi cousin doobte doobte bachi.Filhal 2005 ke jitna Pani nhi aaya tha lekin barish continue ho rhi thi or Pani bdh rha tha or kuch pta nhi ye kab tk Hoti rhegi.Maine unhe btaya abhi situation theek h , tension ki koi bat nhi h..unhe bolo ki office me filhal rhe , they will be safe there or rasto Ka koi bharosa nhi train to bnd h or barish continue hoti rhi to highways b bnd ho jayenge…unse bate krke Mai main road ki traf gya , barish abhi b ho rhi thi or Kahi Kahi pr pani kamar se upar tak aa gya tha.Road pr pahuncha to Dekha afra tafri Ka alam h , log bus , cars bike ko chod kr paidal Nikal pde h Apne ghr ki traf , abhi zyada tr jagho pr pani kamar tk tha , lekin logo ke dilo me ek dar tha , unhe 2005 ka flood yaad tha , or aaj ke halat b waise hi hote ja rhe the , area ke kuch log , logo ko rasta dikha rhe the , Mai b kafi Der udhar hi rha , logo ki bheed kam hone lgi thi , barish ab b ho rhi thi ,or andhera b failne lga tha , mahul pe ajeeb sa khauf Chaya hua tha , mai chlte chlte western highway pr pahunch gya , bahut sari gadiya rasto me pdi thi , log imported cars ko yuhi chod kr chle gye the , Zindagi ke samne kainat ki koi cheez waqat nhi rakhti , ye Mai aankho se dekh rha tha .Mai 3 hours se continue Pani me tha , badan me thodi kapkapi aane lgi thi , Raste me hi ek BMW car lgi hui thi , Mai uspr Chad gya , Mera Pura badan kaanp rha tha , door door tak sirf Pani tha , Mai uski chat pr seedha let gya , barish Ka Pani seedha mere chehre pr pdne lga ,Maine aankhe bnd krli , Mai Soch rha tha insan kitni b traqqi krle wo qudrat ke aage bahut chota h , India is not that much developed but Japan , America wagairah b khud ko qudrati afat se nhi bacha pata h , Insano ki hr tadbeer nakam ho jati h , Mai seedha besudh pda hua Soch rha tha , Mere andr ek khauf paida hone lga tha , fear of death , honestly mujhe maut se bahut dr lgta h , kyunki Mai janta Hu meri Zindagi kis trah guzri , Allah ke hukmo ko Tod kr , or is wjah se Mai is duniya me b aafiyat wali Zindagi nhi guzar ska, or phir aakhirat ki Kabhi na khatam hone wali Zindagi , or Kabhi na khatam hone wali takleefe.Mai soche ja rha tha , na Jane Kitna waqt guzar gya , barish ab thodi kam hone lgi thi , lekin Charo traf andhera cha gya tha or electricity b chli gyi thi , achanka mujhe ghr Ka khyal aaya , Mai car se neeche utar gya , Pani kamar se upar tak aa Chuka tha , Or Pani thanda mehsus ho rha tha , Mai dheere dheere India ke sbse traqqi yafta city ki road pr chlne lga , barish abhi b ho rhi thi , mujhe Zindagi bewaqat lgne lgi thi , Mai qudrat ke samne ek bebas taraqqi yafta city ko dekh kr Allah se Dil me duanye mang rha tha.

I quit

It’s was a 10nth day of my boring job , I earlier liked web development field , but now I don’t know what happened , I don’t like this anymore , whether it’s because of my company or environment or maybe it’s not the things which I wanted.
How I spent 9 days , i can’t explain , I used to feel like prisoner , my manager always keeps eyes on me , waking up at 7-8 am , taking breakfast , going for job by Mumbai local , And I have already explained about Mumbai local , and changing two train to reach office , spending 9 hours there , once I literally cried in train when coming home , I got bored , fade up and damn coding.Oh my God.
Anyways, that day my manager went to met the client who’s website I created two days ago , After sending link to that client of his website , he called me and started to shout what you made , how rubbish this is bla bla..
And client called me because my manager wasn’t receiving his call , I told everything to my manager , Manager told me to say to the client that we will meet you tomorrow ,and he didn’t went to meet him and client was continuously calling me and shouting , finally he went today and when came back , he started to shout on me.He showed me my mistakes in website , That was correct , but he should check the website before sending it to client and I am a fresher , I could make a mistake , so it’s his responsibility.I was already frustrated , I Just said him , I can’t do this job anymore , keep it with you , thank you and leaved the company.And this was not the only reason to quit.I feel burden , boring and more specifically a purposeless thing.
I was standing on the gate of train , it was raining , not heavy , I was thinking …now what , a jobless IT Graduate , who don’t like coding , programming and suffering from disease of being famous , Suddenly heavy rain started , few peoples went inside , but I was still there..I was feeling a joy inside me , A free life like a bird who can do anything , I don’t had regret of quitting a job , the joy I felt that time cannot explain in word.

Cow Vigilante

I was shocked when I heard first time that a group of people killed a man in India because they suspected him to having a beef at his home.
Yes , Mohammad akhlaq was killed near capital of India by a group of Hindus just because they thought he has beef.
But unfortunately this was not the last incident.And then it became my daily routine to hear mob lynching cases.This type of attack started when BJP government came into the power and still going on.
After a while the 55 year old pehlu Khan was waylaid by a mob in alwar on april 1 2017 when he was transporting cows for his small dairy farm , beaten up mercilessly , and he dies of his wound two days later.
Recently , junaid Khan a young muslim guy was killed in a train by group of people near Delhi , junaid Khan was traveling with his two friends , they was going home after shopping from Delhi and who knew that junaid’s journey will never finished. They had some stuffs in their bags which they bought from Delhi and they was looking muslim guy because of their clothes , so some people spread the rumors that they have beef in their bags and then everyone knows what happened , they was attacked , just because of rumors that they have beef , even if they were have then should they be killed.And there was many people apart from attackers but no one tried to saved them.But yeah thank God that his two friends somehow saved their lives.
I can’t write about everyone who are killed by a group of Hindu people call themselves cow vizlante , because it would take countless time to do that. It’s happening everywhere in India whether it’s Gujrat , UP , MP , Rajasthan. Fortunately Maharashtra was safe from this kind of mob lynching but recent weeks , one incident took place in rural area of Maharashtra too.
The only reason it’s continuously going on is because the current government of India is not taking a proper action against this cases.They are indirectly supporting fundamental powers. Accused are still free and innocent people are suffering.
When my brother was going banglore , so my mom asked what should I prepare for you to eat during travel , my brother said chiken , then my mom said no no , situation is not good , I see news daily that people are attacked because of that reasons which I explained and then my mom made eggs for him.
I was hearing their conversation but I didn’t say anything.To be honest , I am little afraid about it , I don’t care about my life but my family are most important for me.
Our prime minister is very expert in talking , he can talk hours and hours and one of his favourite stuff is to travelling , he has traveled around in 60 countries after becoming a PM.But what he did for India , unrest is growing , freedom of speech is under threat , mob lynching , cost are so much high and he is showing people a dream by his talk.
Some people think that someday a new government will come and situation will change but what a traveller can hope who have lost in the the dark world.

Fear of career

After so much interviews , finally I got selected in a company for web developer.I applied for an internship but they said they will give a full time job.
First time when I went in that company for an interview then I decided , I wouldn’t come here again.Because everyone want a dream job , a dream company. I too have some desire , but that company are even below the normal.
Second thing they are paying me just 9000 rupees per month.
But now I don’t have options , I am waiting for my final semester​ result and have given dozen of interviews but not got selected and 3 month just passed after exam.
So I decided , I would work here for at least 3 month till then my final result will be declared and I will try to improve my skills and obviously I will get the experience too.And after that I will look for something better.
And I said to my all relatives and Friends that it’s an internship because if I will say them I am working as a web developer for 9000 rupees then surely they will make a joke and specially my aunt who’s daughter earning 30000 per month but she have done MBA from a top institute.
This all thing is a part of life , but apart from that , I don’t know why I am afraid , I used to think if I wouldn’t get my dream job , my dream life then what , and this kind of job surely never give me a name in this dark world.I am afraid that I wouldn’t be remembered , And my purpose of a life will be wasted , I am feeling disappointing , depressed , helpless , loneliness. What should I do , No one can understand what I think and how I think even I dont have words to explain it.
Oh my Lord , show me right path.

Life of a graduate boy in india

I am writing this from an interview room , not exactly from there , actually completed first round of interview and waiting for their reply.Its my fourth interview after completing graduation but not got selected anywhere.I don’t know that it’s my mistake or something else because during my graduation in IT I studied many subjects but nothing in detail and company don’t want all skills in one person they want a deep knowledge in one particular field and basics of others from a candidate.But I know basics of many subjects because of our syllabus but not a depth knowledge of any particular subject.
By the way , I am not interested in doing a job in any IT company but I have to do it for sometime because I don’t have my own money to do something like startup or making a vines on YouTube or something else.
Actually the problem with me in now days is , I am suffering from a disease to being a popular like singers or some of YouTubers like PewDiePie , movlogs or sham idrees.I spend lots of my time to watch​ their videos and try to make video like them at my uncle’s office.I think , I don’t have my own dreams , I just try to do everything but unfortunately not able to do anything.
I am stuck in this life , I don’t know what to do even I completed graduation. I am living a purposeless life which is leading to me into darkness and disappointment of not only this short life but that eternal life too.

Love stories

Today my elder brother Reyazur Rahman who completed his graduation in islamic studies is going banglore to do English Arabic translation course.He comes home every year for one month.I still remember last year when he was going back to his Madarsa , I came to drop him at bandra station.That time I had feeling for my teacher who was I can say my first and till now last love but yeah that story was incompleted.I proposed her and she rejected so I was little depressed and in our family we are neither Frank nor so much open minded.So I didn’t share it with any member of my family yeah with some of my friends.But that night when me and my brother was waiting for train , I don’t know why I said him everything about my feelings , we are not that kind of brothers who share everything , we share many things but not this kind of thing.
He asked , “now what do you want ?”
I said , ” nothing”.
Then train started and I stepped out.But today after one year again I came to drop him at VT Station and this time I was shocked when he shared his story , I wasn’t expecting it.And the most unexpected thing was his story with whom , one of my cousin who lives in Jaipur. But his story is also incompleted because of my uncle. And my uncle Fareed Anwar who’s daughter she was got angry when got to know about this matter and broke our family relationship.
I know why my uncle got angry , it’s not because my brother and his daughter had feeling for each other and he is against this kind of love stories , it’s only because he is financially better than us , my uncle is good person, he always behaved well with us and I never felt inferior with him, but it doesn’t mean that she will marry her daughter in our family.His thinking is big and different.He is not billionaire now but he always wanted to be and after crossing forty he still sees a dream to be a billionaire.
Anyway , Today I asked to him ” now what do you want?”
He said ” I will talk but not now , maybe 2-3 years later.”
I understood what he thinks now , he will try to come at my uncle’s level and then…….. , by the way, my brother is well educated and good person the only thing at which we are not at same level with my uncle is money.
By the way train started , I said bye and stepped out.I couldn’t suggested anything to my brother.First of all we don’t share this kind of matter so we are not Frank in this kind of matter and second I was involved last year in same matter too , So what I could say.
But after reaching at this level and seeing this world , I realized that after breaking the rule of Allah we can’t get anything except dissapointment.