I quit

It’s was a 10nth day of my boring job , I earlier liked web development field , but now I don’t know what happened , I don’t like this anymore , whether it’s because of my company or environment or maybe it’s not the things which I wanted.
How I spent 9 days , i can’t explain , I used to feel like prisoner , my manager always keeps eyes on me , waking up at 7-8 am , taking breakfast , going for job by Mumbai local , And I have already explained about Mumbai local , and changing two train to reach office , spending 9 hours there , once I literally cried in train when coming home , I got bored , fade up and damn coding.Oh my God.
Anyways, that day my manager went to met the client who’s website I created two days ago , After sending link to that client of his website , he called me and started to shout what you made , how rubbish this is bla bla..
And client called me because my manager wasn’t receiving his call , I told everything to my manager , Manager told me to say to the client that we will meet you tomorrow ,and he didn’t went to meet him and client was continuously calling me and shouting , finally he went today and when came back , he started to shout on me.He showed me my mistakes in website , That was correct , but he should check the website before sending it to client and I am a fresher , I could make a mistake , so it’s his responsibility.I was already frustrated , I Just said him , I can’t do this job anymore , keep it with you , thank you and leaved the company.And this was not the only reason to quit.I feel burden , boring and more specifically a purposeless thing.
I was standing on the gate of train , it was raining , not heavy , I was thinking …now what , a jobless IT Graduate , who don’t like coding , programming and suffering from disease of being famous , Suddenly heavy rain started , few peoples went inside , but I was still there..I was feeling a joy inside me , A free life like a bird who can do anything , I don’t had regret of quitting a job , the joy I felt that time cannot explain in word.

Cow Vigilante

I was shocked when I heard first time that a group of people killed a man in India because they suspected him to having a beef at his home.
Yes , Mohammad akhlaq was killed near capital of India by a group of Hindus just because they thought he has beef.
But unfortunately this was not the last incident.And then it became my daily routine to hear mob lynching cases.This type of attack started when BJP government came into the power and still going on.
After a while the 55 year old pehlu Khan was waylaid by a mob in alwar on april 1 2017 when he was transporting cows for his small dairy farm , beaten up mercilessly , and he dies of his wound two days later.
Recently , junaid Khan a young muslim guy was killed in a train by group of people near Delhi , junaid Khan was traveling with his two friends , they was going home after shopping from Delhi and who knew that junaid’s journey will never finished. They had some stuffs in their bags which they bought from Delhi and they was looking muslim guy because of their clothes , so some people spread the rumors that they have beef in their bags and then everyone knows what happened , they was attacked , just because of rumors that they have beef , even if they were have then should they be killed.And there was many people apart from attackers but no one tried to saved them.But yeah thank God that his two friends somehow saved their lives.
I can’t write about everyone who are killed by a group of Hindu people call themselves cow vizlante , because it would take countless time to do that. It’s happening everywhere in India whether it’s Gujrat , UP , MP , Rajasthan. Fortunately Maharashtra was safe from this kind of mob lynching but recent weeks , one incident took place in rural area of Maharashtra too.
The only reason it’s continuously going on is because the current government of India is not taking a proper action against this cases.They are indirectly supporting fundamental powers. Accused are still free and innocent people are suffering.
When my brother was going banglore , so my mom asked what should I prepare for you to eat during travel , my brother said chiken , then my mom said no no , situation is not good , I see news daily that people are attacked because of that reasons which I explained and then my mom made eggs for him.
I was hearing their conversation but I didn’t say anything.To be honest , I am little afraid about it , I don’t care about my life but my family are most important for me.
Our prime minister is very expert in talking , he can talk hours and hours and one of his favourite stuff is to travelling , he has traveled around in 60 countries after becoming a PM.But what he did for India , unrest is growing , freedom of speech is under threat , mob lynching , cost are so much high and he is showing people a dream by his talk.
Some people think that someday a new government will come and situation will change but what a traveller can hope who have lost in the the dark world.

Fear of career

After so much interviews , finally I got selected in a company for web developer.I applied for an internship but they said they will give a full time job.
First time when I went in that company for an interview then I decided , I wouldn’t come here again.Because everyone want a dream job , a dream company. I too have some desire , but that company are even below the normal.
Second thing they are paying me just 9000 rupees per month.
But now I don’t have options , I am waiting for my final semester​ result and have given dozen of interviews but not got selected and 3 month just passed after exam.
So I decided , I would work here for at least 3 month till then my final result will be declared and I will try to improve my skills and obviously I will get the experience too.And after that I will look for something better.
And I said to my all relatives and Friends that it’s an internship because if I will say them I am working as a web developer for 9000 rupees then surely they will make a joke and specially my aunt who’s daughter earning 30000 per month but she have done MBA from a top institute.
This all thing is a part of life , but apart from that , I don’t know why I am afraid , I used to think if I wouldn’t get my dream job , my dream life then what , and this kind of job surely never give me a name in this dark world.I am afraid that I wouldn’t be remembered , And my purpose of a life will be wasted , I am feeling disappointing , depressed , helpless , loneliness. What should I do , No one can understand what I think and how I think even I dont have words to explain it.
Oh my Lord , show me right path.

Life of a graduate boy in india

I am writing this from an interview room , not exactly from there , actually completed first round of interview and waiting for their reply.Its my fourth interview after completing graduation but not got selected anywhere.I don’t know that it’s my mistake or something else because during my graduation in IT I studied many subjects but nothing in detail and company don’t want all skills in one person they want a deep knowledge in one particular field and basics of others from a candidate.But I know basics of many subjects because of our syllabus but not a depth knowledge of any particular subject.
By the way , I am not interested in doing a job in any IT company but I have to do it for sometime because I don’t have my own money to do something like startup or making a vines on YouTube or something else.
Actually the problem with me in now days is , I am suffering from a disease to being a popular like singers or some of YouTubers like PewDiePie , movlogs or sham idrees.I spend lots of my time to watch​ their videos and try to make video like them at my uncle’s office.I think , I don’t have my own dreams , I just try to do everything but unfortunately not able to do anything.
I am stuck in this life , I don’t know what to do even I completed graduation. I am living a purposeless life which is leading to me into darkness and disappointment of not only this short life but that eternal life too.

Love stories

Today my elder brother Reyazur Rahman who completed his graduation in islamic studies is going banglore to do English Arabic translation course.He comes home every year for one month.I still remember last year when he was going back to his Madarsa , I came to drop him at bandra station.That time I had feeling for my teacher who was I can say my first and till now last love but yeah that story was incompleted.I proposed her and she rejected so I was little depressed and in our family we are neither Frank nor so much open minded.So I didn’t share it with any member of my family yeah with some of my friends.But that night when me and my brother was waiting for train , I don’t know why I said him everything about my feelings , we are not that kind of brothers who share everything , we share many things but not this kind of thing.
He asked , “now what do you want ?”
I said , ” nothing”.
Then train started and I stepped out.But today after one year again I came to drop him at VT Station and this time I was shocked when he shared his story , I wasn’t expecting it.And the most unexpected thing was his story with whom , one of my cousin who lives in Jaipur. But his story is also incompleted because of my uncle. And my uncle Fareed Anwar who’s daughter she was got angry when got to know about this matter and broke our family relationship.
I know why my uncle got angry , it’s not because my brother and his daughter had feeling for each other and he is against this kind of love stories , it’s only because he is financially better than us , my uncle is good person, he always behaved well with us and I never felt inferior with him, but it doesn’t mean that she will marry her daughter in our family.His thinking is big and different.He is not billionaire now but he always wanted to be and after crossing forty he still sees a dream to be a billionaire.
Anyway , Today I asked to him ” now what do you want?”
He said ” I will talk but not now , maybe 2-3 years later.”
I understood what he thinks now , he will try to come at my uncle’s level and then…….. , by the way, my brother is well educated and good person the only thing at which we are not at same level with my uncle is money.
By the way train started , I said bye and stepped out.I couldn’t suggested anything to my brother.First of all we don’t share this kind of matter so we are not Frank in this kind of matter and second I was involved last year in same matter too , So what I could say.
But after reaching at this level and seeing this world , I realized that after breaking the rule of Allah we can’t get anything except dissapointment.

Eid( Day of happiness) 2017

Again today is Chand Raat , one month just gone . Ramadan started and finished , my life is same as it was earlier , I failed to complete it’s purpose .
Tomorrow is Eid means the day of happiness , but I think it’s not for me. It’s for true believer who keep fast of whole month and sacrifice their will , their bad habit to become a righteous and I am little far from it. I kept fast but it’s not the only thing which should be done , the purpose is to become a righteous.
Tonight my cousin Trannum sent me message that you forgot us , one month gone and you didn’t meet and even didn’t message but I was thinking if I didn’t went to her home and message her then when she did.If someone really wants to talk you they find a way.
And the truth of this modern world is that no one cares about no one.Our self doesn’t matter for anyone. Today we are here , maybe tomorrow not , but nothing will change , everything will move as same as past .Our existence is confined only with us. Our demise will not change a bit in this world.But people don’t understand it. I didn’t give excuses to my cousin.
Anyways , tomorrow is Eid and I hope that this Eid may bring light in this dark world.

India vs pakistan

Today was the final match of champions trophy between India and Pakistan. Cricket is just a game but it’s no longer be a game when there is India and Pakistan.
As an Indian , I always supported Indian team because it’s my country and I love it. But I always give respect to not only Pakistani team but all the other teams like South Africa, England, Australia etc.
I still remember my school days where some of my friends used to support Pakistani team during India pak match and I used to argue them , how you can support Pakistan , India is our country and it’s not a religious war so that you are supporting Pakistan , it’s a game.I did not know why they used to support pakistan . Whatever the reason was , I couldn’t change their thinking.
Now I grown up , I saw the change in India , I saw the situation of Muslim community. And I realized many things.
It’s a todays story , when I was going market , there was a TV on road and people was watching match , I stopped there to see the score and that time one of Pakistani batsman just completed century and doing sujud ( a way of thanking Allah ) , That moment everybody started to abuse him , even not only him but all Muslim community.I felt so much anger not only because they was abusing Muslim community but because of their stupidity and act of spreading hates. I know all are not like that but I am seeing number is increasing and politicians are playing good role in this.I heard that India is developing , education ratio is growing and people are being aware of the new world but after seeing all of this , I understood rusticity and vulgarity of some nation never goes.
It was not only the one story , I see discrimination , I see violence , I see double standard and all of this changed my thinking.
I am being honest , now sometime , some part of my heart support pakistan. The truth is I don’t want to support Pakistan but It just happens and why it’s happens , it has not only that reason which I mentioned above but a long.
But if we see everything logically, then supporting other team in a game is not wrong , it’s not a war. I like leonal Messi and I am not only the one there are millions of his fans. So are they rebel of their nation?
But in India , you can support anyone in the world but not Pakistan and if you do then you will call rebel.
I would just say , it’s a game , the one who plays good , win.So we should take it as a game , we should not spread hates , we should respect other teams and if there is darkness somewhere then we should try to bring light instead of being a part of it.
But I know nothings gonna change , people got the mentality even I , and it can’t be changed easily.

50th year of Arab Israel war

Today was the 50th year of six day Arab Israel war.
Arab Israel war, was fought between June 5 and 10, 1967 by Israel and the neighboring states of Egypt ( known at the time united Arab republic) Jordan, and Syria.
Relations between Israel and its neighbours had never fully normalised following the 1948 Arab–Israeli War. And how it could be normal when Foreigner settling a state in your home forcefully and whole world is behaving like dumb even the so called United Nation.
But later on international community considered that the establishment of israeli settlement is illegal under international law.But Israel never accepted this and instead of releasing illegal territories they are still establishing a new illegal colonies and there are no one in the world to stop them.
In 1967 six day war, mysteriously Israel defeated Arab countries. On the first day itself Israel destroyed all of Egyptians air Force with their few losses.

Ramadan 27 May 2017

Today was “CHAND RAAT” means Ramadan will start from tomorrow.
Islamic calendar is based on moon , if moon appears on 29th then current month considered of 29 day and new month start from now onwards but if moon doesn’t appear on 29th then it appears on 30th and then next month start.
So today was a 30th day of a month in islamic calendar , so obviously Ramadan will start from tomorrow.
I remember childhood when we used to go on terrace after sun set to see moon and I still remember the happiness of seeing a moon . First day moon just appear for some minutes then disappear. We used to see moon continusly until it disappears.
I went in masjid at 9pm , it was full because the holy month of Islam just started in which door of heavens are opens and the door of hell are closed and shaitan are chained.
Traveeh just started , my elder brother Reyaz was imam there for traveeh , his way of reciting Quran was same as Arabian people , and it was so sweet .I was standing with people in line in position of namaz , the only voice was coming of the Quran , I don’t understand Arabic but still I just love this.
I came home after finishing traveeh , took dinner and slept early because I had to wake up to take sehri( Sehri means , during Ramadan , Muslims take some food before approx 2 hour of sunrise and then they eat after sunset and that’s called iftar). Tomorrow I woke up at 4 took some meal and went for fajr namaz , after long time I was going for fajr namaz , everywhere was silence , wind was flowing slowly.
I was thinking , will I complete the purpose of Ramadan . Because Allah mention in Quran ” O who you believe, fasting has been prescribed for you as it was been prescribed for those before you that you may become righteous.”

Last day of college 11 May 2017

It was a last day of college , basically we had to show our project to external examiner. All wore formals as given instructions.
When I entered in our department , I saw everyone was busy in thier work , some students was taking photos , after all it was the last working day , after that we have to come for convocation.
Finally our number called , there was four members in our team , Rahul , Tejas , Pranay and me.Rahul started introduction about project , he was explaining good but I thought it should be more described so when he took break while describing I interrupted and then started , when I stopped she asked some questions to me and my team and my other team members also explained some module of our project but we got a problem, there was some errors in our project and we didn’t​ find while testing.So when external examiner asked who was I think 40+ woman about the error then we don’t had answer.
Our project guide who guided us during project development and who approved our project one day ago was behaving like it’s all our mistake but it’s his too because he should be careful when he approved our project.
But we can’t do anything , so finally this session got over , I wasn’t happy because of this.
Anyways, after that we enjoyed there , took group selfies and then everyone started to leave.
But something more happened that day , my friend Rahul came who bought a new bike and said I will drop you to your home. I have been living in Mumbai for 5 years on rent and this was the third home we changed and currently living. But I never brought any of my college friends to my home because I was living in a slums area , it doesn’t matter what I had in past and what I have at my village or how I have lived in jaipur.Yeah that too was not luxurious life but 100 time better than this.
I just don’t wanted that anyone knows about me even rahul was my close friend in college but in everyone’s life there is something which they don’t want to share with even close friend.And that’s why I always try not to go to home of my friends.
By the way , he didn’t give me time to think and said let’s go , I couldn’t refuse him , so I just went with him.
As I said earlier my home was not far from college so when we was about to reach, I was thinking should I ask him to come home or what should I do.I was thinking but we just reached and I did not invited him even he came first time.
As I think ,there is boundary in every relation whether parents-childrens , friendships anything and we should always be in that boundary. But even if Rahul knows about me that where I stay it doesn’t bother me but I just didn’t invite him. I don’t know why.
He also didn’t ask anything about that and started bike and left.
I was seeing him going. Then I also started to walk towards my home reached there, removed my shoes, put the bag and lay down.It was a long day today and I was gonna be free.So I was thinking and when I fell in sleep, I even don’t know.I woke up when I heard mom voice to take the dinner.It was being 11pm. I took dinner then went for a walk .
After long time I came on Western Express highway at night. Everything was same there , same lights , same road but maybe speed of vehicle has become faster.I was walking on highway keeping headphone in ear , which music was playing , I did not know , car was passing right from me with more than 100 KM/hr. All vehicles was coming and going , they knew where they are coming from and they knew their destination but what a guy can do who do not understand from where he came and he has no idea about the destination.The guy who thinks life has a great meaning but he don’t understand the meaning of life.