Usually I sleep late , I like to do something when everyone just fallen in their sleep.And now days I have many things to do , Like final year college project ,final year board exam etc.So I do stuffs at night.
But rather than study I spend more time in watching videos , and I got addicted to some of hollywood TV series , earlier I never used to watch any kind of hollywood series but I am influenced by my friend rahul who have watched almost all famous hollywood TV series.I have watched only Flash and Walking dead.But Walking Dead TV series changed my thinking.Its amazing TV series Even its not close to real life but still it taught me many things.Rick and their group was facing zombies and bad people , yeah my life is not so tough but still its full of shitty things .
But today I was just waching Pakistani singer Momina Mustehsan’s video continuously.Her smile is very innocent and her voice touches my heart.I don’t know why I was just checking her instagram account , twitter and some of her interviews continuously for 2-3 days. Maybe it’s a temporary addiction but Its not only because of her voice and beauty there was something more which I was seeing in her.In one of her interview she said she was afraid to face people , she is very simple and even don’t know latest fashion.But she showed me a way, she said about her future planning that she want to complete her master and want to work at UN.Something clicked in my mind and I started to think But let it be I will talk about it later because I am feeling sleepy.I don’t want to think much , I just want peace I am falling in sleep.
I got busy in my prelim exam , so couldn’t write.I am in the last year of graduation.My final board exam will start on 26 April 2017 and will complete on 29 March.So I just want to complete it nicely.
But apart from my study , there are something more about which I have concerns , situation are becoming more difficult for some community in India , election just got over in one of the biggest and populous state of India ,UP . Again BJP won. It’s not the problem but they chosen a CM who is one of the most controversial leader , not only in UP but in India.
A normal person can judge him by his speeches , once he likened Bollywood star Sharukh Khan with a terrorist.Once he said about Nobel winner mother Teresa that she was the part of conspiracy to Christianise India.
He is facing criminal charges of attempted murder, defiling a place of worship and inciting riots in Uttar Pradesh(UP), a state where communal tensions run high and religious violence four years ago killed more than 60 people.
I can’t write here every nonsense story of him.But how the ruling party of India can select him as a CM after all of this.
His speeches was always controversial and against Muslim community.once he said we will kill 10 Muslims if they will kill one of us.
I was hoping a good nation even our PM always says ” SABKA SATH SABKA VIKAS ” but their decision was always against this.The world is becoming more dark and I am just an audience .
Maybe someday , I will open my eyes in the morning and will see the nation which I see only in dreams and there will be light , there will be freedom , there will be everything which a happy nation needed
life has to end.
My classmates was going for watching Hollywood movie Logan.Earlier I used to like movies a lot , but with time it’s just gone.Rahul who is one of my good friend and classmate was insisting me to come and he was even paying for me . Initially I wasn’t agree but the way he asked , I can’t refused.
We all was thirteen people , theater was in one of the biggest mall in India phonex market city , we took ticket which costs just 90 rupees.
We reached here 30 min earlier , so everyone was talking about movies , I was sitting and thinking about last day , I gone through.
Anyway It was a best movie of all X-Men series , but maybe its the last movie of this series because Logan just died at the end of movie. I am praising this movie is because I had seen all series of it .
This movie was full of actions , little emotional and comedy scene. We all started to laugh loudly when the funny character of TV series ad had the same name as one of our friend.Everyother just started to look on us .We all suddenly became quiet.
Everyone knows that whatever we watch in the movie is just a imagination but when we watch , we just lost in thinking , we just think to be a superhero who save the people or many more. But the actual world is totally different.
But one thing I knew , whatever we are thinking today , it will be different after some day . I was so sad one day ago and now I am here watching movie with friends. But to get our dreams , we have to be consistent.
By the way, after movie we just took photos , selfies. I was just going with situation , just trying to enjoy some moments with friends. It was a good day , because I laughed after many days , I know its just a temporary happiness.
But everything in this world is temporary.
Today was Holi festival , Last night I purposely slept late because I don’t wanted to wake up 8-9 am as usual , even if I do , I can’t go outside because people just throw colors , water . It doesn’t matter whether you know them or not. But I oppose it totally. India is a country of different religions , communities.some people from other religions may not like this. But even if they throw on me , I can’t do anything because I am living here for 4 years , I do not know peoples here except some people from my college and masjid where I used to go daily. And where I stay all are Hindus and unknown for me .
Initially when we moved in Mumbai after my 10nth I was like time pass boy I never used to think about this kind of thing but time and situation made me little serious .
After all of this I realized , I am very weak , I just wasted 20 year of my life and I realized community from you belong is very important. I am not only the Muslim boy who is facing problem in Mumbai, there are more and in the whole world.
It’s just a little, situation of Muslim community is worst in entire the world. The community who ruled in the half of the world have become slave , It doesn’t matter how many Muslim countries are there in the world, they are just name , ruling are someone else.
Situations of not only Muslims but any communities can’t change until unless they don’t want. I am just waiting for new morning when the things will be different but It’s not looking easy.
Sometime I used to think about ISIS and I know whatever they are doing in the name of Islam is totally wrong and against the Islam. But I can’t bring light in this dark world, so I just think to be the part of this darkness. But however this life is , it’s gonna end at some stage and then I have to pay in hereafter for what I did in the world , and I don’t wanna go in front of Allah with sins , with killing of innocent humans. So I am just going with flow , I don’t have any other choice , maybe someday I will get the morning which I am looking for but even if I don’t get , this life is surely gonna end but the hereafter which is never gonna end will be the happiest place for righteous and they will enjoy there forever and ever.
I was coming home from masjid at 9 pm. The distance between masjid and my home was around 200 meters. Suddenly a polythene with water came and passed just right from me.I understood holy has come. I still remembered last year when someone near my home thrown me this shitty water and when I opposed it they just came to me then I called some of my friends but then they ran away.
And again this shitty festival has come , actually I am wrong, if some people are doing wrong behind this then Its not festivals fault.
Once I said I never like Mumbai , there are many reasons and maybe one of these reason is this festival.
We just need one point to hate something and we just need one point to love .
Earlier I don’t liked Marathas when I knew they don’t want outsiders like people from Bihar , Up , Rajasthan etc in Mumbai and their leader always make outsiders fear by their speeches , activities.
But later on , I realized that all Marathas are not like that , whatever their leaders do is just a politics, just a way to take a vote. And it’s not the problem of Maharashtra but the all over India not even India but all over the world. British government ruled in the world and their famius rule was “DIVIDE AND RULE” , Now they have gone from India but still politicians are using their rule.
Sometime I used to think, when I will have money , I will move to some good place , some safe place but when I hear about the discrimination with blacks in USA , when I hear about Palestine and when I hear about Syria’s civil war , I just lose my hopes. I just feel like there is only darkness in the world.
And we can’t come out from it.we can’t fix it.
It’s not about killing some people or group of people, It’s not about making a deal , It’s something which can’t be fixed. This will ended when the sun of our life will set and we will leave this dark world forever and ever.
Today I was coming from college , I saw crowed around sports complex building , I asked then I knew there was some function inside the sports complex building and many celebrity was there like Amitabh bachchan ,juhi chawla and some more . Amitabh bachchan given the speech and something more happened and after everything when they was going everyone was just dying to take a selfie with them , just to talk them but they just came outside and went and how they can meet with hundred of people individually , they have lots of things to do they have their own life ,family. And this is not only Indian story but the story of the world.In some other place , people are die heart fan of justin bieber , Shakira ,Angelina ,Messi etc. and sometime people do something nonsense or more than expectation for their heroes.
Anyway the moment Amitabh bachchan sahab came out from the building everyone just tried to go near but the security was high , so people just started to take photos. But I was just standing there silently ,I did not had any feelings , I was just watching them.Everyone was just coming out and going.
I always wanted to be like them , whenever I saw this kind of thing then this feeling become strong but just having a dream of being celebrity is not a big deal , everyone in the world want that but everyone do not get their dreams. If someone want to be a something bigger in life then they have to do something bigger. Otherwise life will just passed like my 20 year has gone.
After everyone gone I also turned to go home which was one KM far from my college and I used to go by walk. I was just walking , Cars was going just right from me with speed of 100 KM , I was thinking will I be a celebrity someday like Shahrukh Khan , Amitabh Bachchan or in US like Justin Bieber or Messi or my life will just passed like unknown or If I do not become a celebrity then what or If I become a celebrity then what.I was just thinking and thinking .
I still do not know ,Who I am ,what is the purpose of my life and what I am doing here.
I got little busy after reaching home from three days in the way of Allah .So I could not write.
Today I am thinking about to introduce myself. Because little introduction about diary maker is important.
I was born on 4th September 1997 in Jaipur in middle class family but Jaipur was not my native place .I actually belongs to Bihar , the most uneducated people’s state in India. Anyway, I have five brothers in my family and I am second.
We lived in Jaipur for few years then moved in Bihar, my native place, then we lived in Bihar for few years and there I took basic education of Islam like Quran etc. then moved in Mumbai , the dream city of India where currently I am living but that’s not the end of my journey we lived in Mumbai for some time then again moved in Jaipur and then we lived there till I completed my 6th standard then again we moved in Bihar and I completed my 10th from there and after 10th once again we moved in Mumbai and till now we are here.
So basically my life is like a gypsy who don’t own home , no one knows him because I never been any particular place for a long time. Every time we move and everything of my life get change , my education , my friends and many more now I just have memories of some place.
So currently I am living in Mumbai , This city is not good for middle class family because everything is very expensive here. Middle class person just dream of their own home , their life just passed but they do not get their own home.
I never liked this city , Whatever people call it ,dream city or economic capital of India.
Mumbai comes in Maharashtra , and Maharashtra is basically Maratha place , Where the great Maratha empire existed.
And now it has become history like others empire.But still Maratha play important role in Maharashtra.
After this journey , I am not certain where life will take me , even I used to think I am new to this world , I do not know anyone ,no one knows me , actually who I am?
Today some people came from masjid to meet me. They was saying me to come with them for three days in the way of Allah ,not for any war or any kind of so called mujahedeen activities. Just for to learn Islam .
I had annual function next day in my college, so I was little confused what should I do and important thing is that I was supposed to sing a song.
But finally I decided, I will go in the way of Allah. I can’t explain why I choose this even if I do, others can’t understand.
This is a global age , technology made the world totally different , life have become so easy and luxurious even we don’t need to drive a car , It has become automated. In this age night also shine like the day . But still , why I think , in this light there is darkness which we don’t see.
I have attended many functions but it just give temporary happiness. It never gives a peace of heart. And I am looking for a peace of heart. I never got this , maybe because I still don’t know the purpose of my life , Until unless I don’t find that I will never get peace of heart.
So I decided to go and once someone said me ” Dilo ka sukun to allah ke rasto me mila krta h”( we get the peace of heart only in the way of Allah).
I am writing this content at 1:33 AM.Because I just reached home from hotel not by celebrating something but doing a waiter job.I never wanted to do this not because Indian considered it low level kind of thing but I just not like this.I started this after my junior college exam because in summer vacation I had nothing special to do and specifically our economic situation was always like ups and downs.So I just started it and now after three years I am about to complete my graduation I have been doing this not daily but once twice or thrice in a week.But I liked one thing in this job ,I always got chance to see and talk to a pretty girl.But in my luck there is nothing more than this.I used to come alone except if one of my friend swapnil were be there then I comes with him.Today he did not come ,that hotel was about one mile far from my home and I used to go by bus but I never used bus or any vehicle while coming because at night I like walking very much specially on high way when car is moving more than 100 km/h right behind us. Three year has gone by walking on the same high way ,nothing has changed same highway,street lamp,car moving same as last three year and me too.I blame my luck some time but Its all because of me ,I could do something better but I just wasted my time in college , at home here and there.
We create every darkness of our life but its we who are gonna bring light but to do this we have to change ,we have to be something else.Lets do it…
Wooden door with heart – vignette
Today is Valentine’s day. After opening eyes in the Muslim family, I never thought about this girlfriend-boyfriend relationship.So basically, I am single.some unmodernised Indian criticized this relationship.They says it’s encourage immodesty, casual sex , and frivolous relationship in society. I don’t know whether they are right or wrong. But in now days things has changed , boy or girl , they just wanna use each other , rarely people have true love. I am saying because what I see around me. And I don’t think true love needs this day.
By the way , After so much restrictions about this relationship in our society, I just fall. Because there is something which doesn’t care about the boundary. That’s the true feelings for someone. What people called this , doesn’t matter.
And this feeling for whom , I never imagined , my pretty teacher.
I knew that is not possible with her but after knowing everything we do nonsense thing because we do not think by mind but the hearts.And one sided feelings really very dangerous specially when its first time.
So I proposed ,got rejected ,got depressed lot of things happened.But yeah we learn things with time , with circumstances and that’s called experience.So today’s day is normal day for me.