Life of a graduate boy in india

I am writing this from an interview room , not exactly from there , actually completed first round of interview and waiting for their reply.Its my fourth interview after completing graduation but not got selected anywhere.I don’t know that it’s my mistake or something else because during my graduation in IT I studied many subjects but nothing in detail and company don’t want all skills in one person they want a deep knowledge in one particular field and basics of others from a candidate.But I know basics of many subjects because of our syllabus but not a depth knowledge of any particular subject.
By the way , I am not interested in doing a job in any IT company but I have to do it for sometime because I don’t have my own money to do something like startup or making a vines on YouTube or something else.
Actually the problem with me in now days is , I am suffering from a disease to being a popular like singers or some of YouTubers like PewDiePie , movlogs or sham idrees.I spend lots of my time to watch​ their videos and try to make video like them at my uncle’s office.I think , I don’t have my own dreams , I just try to do everything but unfortunately not able to do anything.
I am stuck in this life , I don’t know what to do even I completed graduation. I am living a purposeless life which is leading to me into darkness and disappointment of not only this short life but that eternal life too.


Love stories

Today my elder brother Reyazur Rahman who completed his graduation in islamic studies is going banglore to do English Arabic translation course.He comes home every year for one month.I still remember last year when he was going back to his Madarsa , I came to drop him at bandra station.That time I had feeling for my teacher who was I can say my first and till now last love but yeah that story was incompleted.I proposed her and she rejected so I was little depressed and in our family we are neither Frank nor so much open minded.So I didn’t share it with any member of my family yeah with some of my friends.But that night when me and my brother was waiting for train , I don’t know why I said him everything about my feelings , we are not that kind of brothers who share everything , we share many things but not this kind of thing.
He asked , “now what do you want ?”
I said , ” nothing”.
Then train started and I stepped out.But today after one year again I came to drop him at VT Station and this time I was shocked when he shared his story , I wasn’t expecting it.And the most unexpected thing was his story with whom , one of my cousin who lives in Jaipur. But his story is also incompleted because of my uncle. And my uncle Fareed Anwar who’s daughter she was got angry when got to know about this matter and broke our family relationship.
I know why my uncle got angry , it’s not because my brother and his daughter had feeling for each other and he is against this kind of love stories , it’s only because he is financially better than us , my uncle is good person, he always behaved well with us and I never felt inferior with him, but it doesn’t mean that she will marry her daughter in our family.His thinking is big and different.He is not billionaire now but he always wanted to be and after crossing forty he still sees a dream to be a billionaire.
Anyway , Today I asked to him ” now what do you want?”
He said ” I will talk but not now , maybe 2-3 years later.”
I understood what he thinks now , he will try to come at my uncle’s level and then…….. , by the way, my brother is well educated and good person the only thing at which we are not at same level with my uncle is money.
By the way train started , I said bye and stepped out.I couldn’t suggested anything to my brother.First of all we don’t share this kind of matter so we are not Frank in this kind of matter and second I was involved last year in same matter too , So what I could say.
But after reaching at this level and seeing this world , I realized that after breaking the rule of Allah we can’t get anything except dissapointment.